Beauty Style From Celebrity: Eyestrain Shelley O

Monday, May 10, 2010

Eyestrain Shelley O

Shelley, NO!

U.S. first lady Michelle Obama hosts a Mother's Day event at the State Dining Room of the White House in Washington, DC.

Darlings, there's simply no sugar-coating this one. Our initial glimpse of this outfit forced some rather inarticulate questions out of us. Questions like: "What the--?" "Is that a --? "How does that...?" "Why would she...?" If nothing else, you've got to admit it's an outfit that people will talk about. It's like a parlor trick of a dress. Do you see an old woman or a young girl? A vase or two people kissing? Just don't stare at it too long or you'll get vertigo.

We always feel like we have to say this whenever we criticize her sartorial choices: we respect and applaud that she is taking chances like this while working within the boundaries of an incredibly retro, incredibly restrictive role for which most modern women are either unsuited or uninterested: that of the old school hostess. It's a throwback to another time and we are not likely to ever have again another First Lady enter the White House without abandoning her own career goals, at least for the time being.

Our point is, she could have taken up the role wearing the most bland, lowest common denominator political wife drag of prim suits and demure gowns in suitably patriotic colors but she didn't. For whatever reasons she decided she was going to bring some style to the role that hadn't been seen since the days of Nancy Reagan's beaded red power gowns. For whatever reasons, she decided she was going to take some chances.

So, having said all that, we are very appreciative that she takes chances with her clothing choices. On that level, we salute the dress. On the level of taste and style, however...

Look, it just doesn't work. It starts out nice up top. That print and neckline are very flattering to her. Unfortunately, she seems determined for some reason that every outfit screams "Look at my hips!" or "Look at my midsection!" Which are not exactly the normal cris de coeur of fashionistas. Lately she's abandoned the focus-pulling underboob belts for an equally focus-pulling drapey, twisty effect right around her midsection which, to be perfectly blunt, isn't always the best choice for most women after they've had a couple kids and reached an age where the first digit is above a three. Not all women, mind you. Just those that have the average body of a woman around her age with kids.

And the thing is, she knows (or should know, by now) that there are certain types of dresses (namely, sheaths) that do AMAZING things to her figure but she keeps insisting on going back to certain styles and silhouettes that any prissy gay stylist would tell her is not doing her any favors.

So obviously, this is a very wordy way of saying good job on taking chances, Mrs. O, but this is the downside of that: you took a chance on this dress and it doesn't look all that great on you. We look forward to your next effort. Really, we do.

Oh, and that print on the bottom is really, really ugly.